


Give Me A Reason Why

by AQR



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drugs, M/M, Overdosing, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-11
Updated: 2013-02-14
Packaged: 2017-11-14 01:33:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/509891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AQR/pseuds/AQR
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kris doesn't know when it started all he knows is he can't resist it.<br/>It's his dirty little secret. Now that he's traveling on a bus along with a<br/>group of other guys that secret is in jeopardy. How long will Kris be able to<br/>keep it a secret? How far will he go to keep it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jackpot

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CaramelKity](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=CaramelKity).



The bus stopped outside of a small diner in Savannah, after playing their show earlier that night for a late night munch, they were traveling to South Carolina to play in Charleston before heading to Raleigh. Adam insisting that he was too tired to move, said that he would stay on the bus and get ready for bed while they all went in. After taking off all of his make up, showering, and packing everything back up to put in the drawer under his bunk, he was heading to bed when the bus lurched unexpectedly. He tripped over something that slid out from someone’s bunk. He picked it up and became curious it was a plastic bin, he opened it wondering what the hell someone would keep in a box like this. After taking one look at the content he wished he hadn’t picked it up at all. Inside the box were a few small bags filled with white powdered substance, three syringes, a huge wad of cash, a spoon and a lighter, as well as a white cloth, and what looked like cotton. He dropped the kit immediately, jumping back. Whose was this? he tried to determine which direction it fell from but he couldn't remember. He closed it back up and left it putting it off to the side where no one else could trip over it. Maybe he would be able to catch who ever it was taking it back. Vowing to himself that he would watch for any sign of a give away to whose it could be in the future, he also vowed to not tell anyone else until he had the slightest clue whose it was. Or maybe he could tell just Kris, Kris could help him. He was trustworthy and wouldn't blab about it to anyone else, yeah, he would tell Kris, but no one else for now. He got into his bunk turning in early that night. They had a long day coming up and he needed his sleep, he pushed all the thoughts about the kit to the back of his mind for the time being. He couldn't let that keep him up all night.

Kris came back with the rest of the group around 45 minutes later. He entered the small wing to where the bunks were. and found Adam curled up and asleep already. It was dark and he figured that since the bus wasn't leaving for at least another fifteen minutes he'd have time to shoot up once more. He crouched down on the floor to look for his kit that he kept strapped to the bottom of his bunk, he knew it wasn't the safest place because someone could potentially find it, but it was the only place he could think of. Instead he didn't see it, panic filled his system as he thought about where the heck it could be, looking around frantically he saw it on the bedside table. Who put that there? He could only pray that they didn't open it. checking to make sure Adam was asleep he picked up the kit and slunk his way off the bus without getting caught. he saw that Megan and some of the other girls were still eating so he figured he had a little time to do what he came back in for. After all he wasn't stupid he wouldn't just burn and shoot up on the bus someone would figure it out. He was surprised that they hadn't already. He had stopped doing it frequently once he had gotten married but since the divorce the temptation was hard to resist, so calling his old dealer who recommended a few good ones in LA for him he began using again. He was in and out within 20 minutes, it was routine now so it didn't take long. He was on auto pilot before he even knew it himself with a clouded mind he eventually fell asleep with his curtains closed.


	2. Let's Talk About This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might be a few errors, I have a betareader but I didn't send her some of this chapter so in the end mistakes are mine.

The next morning Adam was sitting at the table barely awake. He brought the coffee cup to his lips and face planted into the counter. He hadn't even bothered to put his make up on yet.

"Hey man you look like shit.” Anoop said.

"Why thank you. Just the compliment I was hoping to get."

"Yeah, you’re welcome."

"So what happened?"

"Couldn't sleep."

"Something going on? I mean, I didn't hear any strange noises."

"No I was not having phone sex! I told you Drake and I have been over for a while now!"

"That doesn't mean that you can't still sleep with him once in a while.”

"Geez how much of a slut do you think I am?"

"Well…"Anoop said jokingly. Adam threw a pack of sugar at Anoop.

"Hey I was just joking!"

"Sure you were!"

Before their banter got any further Kris walked in. He still had his sleep pants on and his hair was sticking up everywhere. He had huge bags under his eyes and a green sweatshirt thrown on himself that covered the whole top half of him and practically swallowed him whole.

"Hey buddy."

"Hey…" He said through a yawn as he rubbed his eyes. Adam couldn't help but notice how adorable that made him look.

"Coffee?" Adam asked. Kris grunted and took the mug from Adam.

"I guess I should go get ready. Kris, I wanna tell you something when you have time." Kris nodded before chugging down the rest of his cup.

After getting to the venue, they were put in cars and shipped around until show time. Adam and Kris were going to the same place, so they rode in the same car. Adam figured that this would be a good time as any to tell him about his findings from the night before.

"So… What about that thing you wanted to tell me?" Kris asked as if he was reading Adam's mind.

"Okay, well um, last night. Yeah, it was last night. You remember how I stayed behind on the bus right?"

"Yes. You know you really should eat dinner from now on. You aren't fat."

"Yeah, that's beside the point. Anyway well last night after they dropped you guys off and the driver moved to go park and stuff. I guess it just lurched the bus too fast, because stuff came sliding out and off of tables and out from under the beds. There was this one box that I tripped over, and you know being me I was curious and I wanted to know who's it was. So I opened it."

Kris's heart began beating, he could no longer hear what Adam was saying. Just the loud thump of his own heart.

"Kris?" Adam said.

"Are you even listening to me?" He shook Kris's shoulders a little and Kris snapped out of it.

"Sorry what were you saying?"

"I said that the box was actually a kit, you know…" Kris played dumb.

"What kit?"

"Oh my god do they not have heroin in Arkansas?"

“Yeah they do. I mean I guess they do, I mean I don’t know I’ve never tried it.” He corrected himself trying not to stumble over his words as he spoke he didn’t want Adam to suspect that HE(put the HE in italics) out of all people was the owner of that kit.

"I didn't think you would have...wait you haven't right? Cause that stuff fucks your system up.Believe me I know."

"You've done it?"

"I did for a little while."

"Wow..."

"Yeah, but that was in the past and I don't really want to talk about it now."

"Okay... Well that's huge. Do you know whose it was?"

"No...I mean it's a guys, unless one of the girls planted it in our bus just in case it did get found. I mean, I picked it back up and put it on the floor(is there a table next to the beds?) next to the beds and when I woke up it was gone so who ever owned it took it back while I was sleeping."

"I don't think they would do that."

"I know, I mean I can't imagine any of them actually using that shit."

"Neither can I."

Before Adam could put more thought into the conversation the car engine stopped, signaling that they were at their destinations.

"Kris, don't tell anybody else about this okay?" Adam asked.

'Why would I tell anyone else and risk getting outed?'(italics) He thought.

"Of course I won't."

"Okay. I'll tell you if I notice anything that might give us clues. I wouldn't take this to the headmasters just yet though if you find out, maybe try to talk to whoever it was first then see." Adam said.

Kris nodded before he was whisked off in the other direction.

He had to stop this was getting out of control, someone knew. That someone wasn't just anyone though. That someone was his best friend. He didn't know how much longer he could keep this facade up. He just prayed Adam wouldn't see right through him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited by CaramelKity. you can find her on fanfiction and soon hopefully on here. She writes Anime FF. and her latest story is absolutely adorable. I'm sure she would be grateful if you checked some of her works out!


	3. The Red Hoodie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long, it took a while to get this one edited. My plan was to post it on Tuesday but we all see how that worked out. Anyway I'll try to be quicker with the next update. I still have to type it and get it edited so it might be Monday by the time I get around to posting it but for now enjoy!

Adam had talked Kris into going to a club that night, he really didn't want to, but Kris decided to go to make Adam happy. When they got there Kris was glad that Allison hadn't decided to come along.  
The club was more Adam’s scene than Kris’. The dance floor was the only thing lit up. Bodies were pressed against each other as the fluorescent lights illuminated them. The lights also illuminated a  
few figures hanging by the bar. Besides that, the club was pretty dark.

People were making out in corners as well as they fell through the front doors, hanging all over eachother, hailing cabs, or driving themselves. Kris didn't want to think of where that could lead them.  
Kris stood around at the table, still trying to contemplate the scene when he realized he was sweating. He wiped his palms on his jeans and felt a shiver go down his spine. He knew these were the early signs of needing to shoot up. So Kris decided that he would just go shoot up in the bathroom; the club was shady enough to have a person doing that wasn’t it?

He made up some lame excuse as to why he had to go to the bus and promised to be back in a few minutes. He changed his shirt, and grabbed his kit. He didn't want Adam to recognize him going into the bathroom so he threw a red hoody on as well. He pulled up the hood and went back inside. Sure  
enough, there were quite a few others doing the exact same thing as he was. Pulling out a pre-filled syringe he rolled up the sleeve. He was about to touch the needle to his skin when Adam came in the restroom.  
‘Shit!’ He thought, ‘How am I going to pull this off?’ He decided that he would just shield his face  
from the mirror and Adam. He finished his dosage and packed the kit up. Thankfully the kit was out of Adam's view because it was the same one he had mentioned before, Kris was sure that he would recognize it if he had seen it. He exited the restroom with a nervous feeling he felt like Adam had seen him and known. He couldn't be sure so he tried not to let it bother him. By the time he got back  
into the club, the drugs were taking effect. He half-walked half-stumbled to the wall, righting himself before he could be noticed.

"Where's Adam?" Kris asked.

"He went to the bathroom he should be back in a second." Megan said. In Kris' high he had forgotten to take off the jacket that he had been wearing in the bathroom. He decided to take it off, and just hide it in his room later. He felt like he was floating. It was nice; he hardly even noticed when Adam pulled him out onto the dance floor.

After throwing himself around awkwardly for a while, because he really couldn't dance, Kris went  
back and sat at the table, He was getting tired and drowsy and figured a few shots would do him  
good, besides, they probably wouldn't be staying much longer. He went over to the bar and took some of the shots off of the tray next to Adam, who was talking to a guy with his back turned. Kris downed two shots in under a minute, and felt a rush go through his system. What where these things? The alcohol burned his throat, but he really didn't feel like ordering anything else, so just as Adam turned around, he downed two more.

"Hold on there little man, I can hold my alcohol, but you’re so small I doubt you can hold much. These are pretty strong, how many have you had?"

"Four… and I’m not little" Kris said in a raspy voice. ‘You would be surprised what I can do.’ Kris thought to himself.

Adam laughed. "I'm surprised your still standing up."

"I'll be back…" Kris said to Adam as he walked back to the table stumbling a bit on the way.

He waited at the table for the rest of the group to come back from their mingling. When it was time to go, he headed out before the rest of them, taking the jacket with him. He placed it on top of his  
bed. His mind wasn't fully functional by now, and he wasn't feeling his best. He knew that it meant the drugs were wearing off. He went into the bathroom to change clothes and brush his teeth; he'd get a shower when they got to the hotel the next morning.

Adam walked into the bunk area, and headed for his drawer when he noticed a red hoodie sitting on Kris's bed, it look an awful like the one the guy he saw in the bathroom had on earlier. The guy had been standing with his back to Adam at one of the counters. The guy he remembered had been shooting up…he thought back to the kit he had found. No, It couldn't be that wasn't Kris that he had seen doing hits. A lot of people had red hoods, Kris just happened to own one too. Adam told himself  
as he went on picking out his night clothes, pushing all the thoughts about Kris and the sweater to the back of his mind.


	4. Can't Turn Back Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It finally happens...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, hopefully the next one will come sooner, especially because it's so short, anyway enjoy.

Kris was trying to be more discrete about when he would shoot up. It had been hard on him physically since his cut backs. He found himself making excuses because he always felt like he was going to be sick. He now only shot up before naps and at night before he went to sleep. The drug was more of a lazy drug, it would easily put you out for hours. During soundcheck about a week after the club, Kris ran off stage saying he was sick once again. He had used that excuse twice that day already, and it hadn't gone unnoticed by the rest of his tour mates. Kris stumbled onto the bus checking to make sure no one else was behind him before he picked up his sweatshirt from under the bed and unwrapped it to reveal the kit. He didn't care if he'd be completely subdued for the rest for the rest of sound check or sick during the show, he needed his fill now.'I have to get the kit, I have to get the kit.' He told himself. He really didn't want to do it but he felt as if it was the only quick way he was going to feel better. He made a mad dash to the back out of the bus along with the kit and went behind it, as it was the safest place to do what he was about to do. He popped the cap off the syringe. 'Almost there. Just 5 more minutes and you'll feel better.' He remind himself. Before the needle could touch his skin he heard a broken voice from behind him.  
"Why?" It asked quietly. "Why?" It asked again with a little more urgency. Kris couldn't handle looking back. It would hurt too much but he did. Just as he suspected he was met with those bright blue eyes, except this time their was something different within them. He couldn't quite put his finger on it yet. All he knew was that he never wanted to see them look like that again. He couldn't handle it anymore, he casted his eyes downward not saying anything.

Kris turned back around again and was about to walk away again when Adam grabbed his arm...  
"Look at me!" Adam was becoming angry.


	5. Just The Beginning

Kris still hadn't turned around. "Why? What were you thinking? Look at me Kristopher! Why the fuck would you lie to me like that?"   
"I'm sorry..."  Kris muttered.  
"That's all you have to say? Your sorry? Are you serious? Look at me!” Adam was shouting now.  
“I’m sorry…I can’t I can’t help it.”  
“Yes you can.” Adam said coming closer to him.  
"Don't touch me!" Kris hissed out.  
"Why not? You need help." Adam said, trying to reason with him.  
"No I don't. I can't quit. I've tried..." Kris said as his voice trailed off.  
"So your not even going to try again?"  
"I did!"  
"Well now you'll have someone to help you!"  
"I don't want someone to help me!"  
"Fine! If you're not even willing to let me help go on and kill yourself! See if I give a damn!" Adam stalked out angrily. He didn't exactly know why he was mad either. either. Was he mad at Kris, or how could he just lie to him like that? He didn't know what to do. Should he tell someone? What would happen if he did? Would Kris loose his contract? Maybe so, but what was worse? Kris loosing his contract or Kris dying? Kris dying by far. Adam went in search of someone, anyone, who might be able to talk some sense into Kris.  
Kris on the, other hand, watched him go. He felt his knees give way as he saw Adam stalk off. Before he knew it, he was on the ground. He felt too weak to stand up and that's when the tears came. This was never supposed to happen. He was supposed to get better. He was supposed to finish out the tour and put himself in Rehab without anyone knowing. Now his plan was ruined. And so was the friendship he had with Adam. Fuck this was worse than he thought. Kris felt helpless; Adam was never going to look at him after all of this. How could he? Kris had betrayed him, big time. He still hadn’t got back on his feet, and he found himself face to face with one of the syringes again. It taunted him. He knew he shouldn’t, but at this point he didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t going to be able to do anything else until he got high. So he picked it up, placing it to his skin, and injected the poison. Kris expected the euphoria to take over him instantly like it usually did. This time it didn’t. Why wasn’t it working? Frustrated he grabbed another syringe, injecting the contents of that into his blood stream as well. Then another, and another. Before he knew it, his kit was empty and he felt his eyelids going heavy. He didn’t care enough to put the kit away. He just lied back against the bus wall and let himself go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter sometime next week.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is SO not edited so there are quite a few (and I use that term loosely) mistakes and run on's and what not, sorry... anyway I think you'll be able to follow it. At least I hope you will be able to.

Kris was half awake, his eyes were opened but he didn't want to wake up. White that's what he saw it was completely blinding his vision. He heard a continuous beeping sound. What was that it was making his throbbing head worse. He regained full consciousness a few moments later and he looked around. Vision still a little blurry but it was coming into focus. A blurry figure, was sitting next to him, wherever he was he wasn't exactly sure. As things became more clear he noticed that blurry figure was Adam. Adam...he shifted a bit. Trying to get more comfortable as he took in his surroundings. It was only then that he realized he had an IV sticking out from his arm. Hospital he thought. Shit. What had happened last night, or had he been out for days...wait or maybe years. No that's stupid because he was still wearing the blue socks he had on the day before... Shit. Thankfully that was when Adam decided to wake up...

"Kris?"

"Adam?"

"Oh thank god your awake!"

"What happened?"

"You scared us, oh god you scared all of us so bad, they stopped the tour, were gonna get you in rehab, oh god Kris don't ever do that again!"

"What happened? What did I do?" The desperate tone in Adams voice worried him, what had he done? He had never seen Adam this worried before, over anything, not even after the photo incident on Idol.

"I don't know what happened...I-I walked in a little while after I stormed out on you...and you were just lying there...you wouldn't talk to me you wouldn't respond I knew you were high but something was wrong...you weren't breathing and your lips they were like blue! I didn't know what to do or how long you'd been out but they told me that you overdosed...I'm sorry Kris I didn't mean to make you do this to yourself..."

Oh god, oh god, oh god, everyone knew, they canceled the tour, oh god oh god oh god it was all his fault...what did everyone think...oh god did they tell his parents? Oh fuck! His thoughts were racing and he felt like he couldn't breathe.

"Kris? KRIS? Kris? Damn it Kris!" Adams voice was frantically speaking, that was the last thing he remembered before he felt the darkness take over him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would really like it if you would check out the artwork for this fic and tell me what you think! Thanks!  
> http://glamtastic207.livejournal.com/5769.html


	7. Why'd You Do It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kris's family arrives.

Adam was still beating himself up about what had happened to Kris, he couldn't believe Kris would do this to himself. He had been kicked out of the room once Kris's monitor had started going off, he was scared for his best friend and hadn't gotten any word on his condition since. He was sitting outside when a doctor cam by and tapped him, he looked up.

"The Allen's are in the lobby they wanted to see you."

"Oh, thank you…um do you know-"

"I'm sorry I'm not on his team, they just sent me to get you."Adam was about to ask how they knew who he was then he remembered, American Idol runner-up you idiot! he stood to his feet and dragged himself down to the lobby. He saw Kim and Neil running towards him, Daniel at their heels looking as equally concerned. 

"Oh Adam! Thank goodness! What's wrong with my Kris? They said he Overdosed!"

"Honestly, I don't know."

"Was he using? They said he OD'd,"

"He did…"

"Oh my god, he started using again? Are you serious?"

"Wait he used before?" Mrs. Allen put a hand over her mouth, she didn't mean to say that. "Did he use before this?"

"Yes, he did, When he was fourteen when he tried the first time…but he only did it once then, we didn't catch him again trying it again until he was seventeen, and that was at a party he went to, he admitted it to us, we had no clue he would ever go back to it."

"Well apparently he did…" Adam felt tears burning at the back of his eyes, 'No' he told himself firmly, 'you will not cry.'

"My poor baby, he had been fairly distant since the divorce, I mean he didn't call much, even with him being busy…"

"Is he gonna be alright?" Daniel asked, 

"I don't know!" Adam didn't mean for it to sound so harsh, it just cam out that way.

"God, I'm sorry…" He apologized.

"I just- I just…" Adam trailed off. "I mean I bet this is like a hundred times harder on you guys…I just- I don't know why he did it. He lied to me he lied to everyone! I asked him, I found the damn kit, and I asked him if he knew who it belonged to! He just lied to my fucking face!" Adam realized what he was doing and tried to calm himself down.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Adam took a few deep breaths, composed himself and looked back up at them. "I don't even know him anymore, I guess I really never did know him! God, just excuse me," Adam said before running off down the hall in search of a bathroom. 

It all seemed to come crashing down on him right then it really never had occurred to him what was really going on with his friend until then, and now it was all crashing down on him. He opened the door to the bathrooms and he went up to the sinks, taking one look at himself in the mirror, he saw his make up was running some what and his face was getting slightly red. He hated crying, he tried not to do it, but this time he couldn't stop himself, and in front of Kris's family, he felt so selfish, he didn't understand why Kris had such strong effects on him; well he did, but he didn't want it to be that way, he didn't want anything but a friendship with Kris, especially in the state Kris was in now. He knew that the road Kris was on was dangerous, and he didn't want to get dragged along, Now he wasn't saying that he wouldn't be there for Kris, because he would always be there for him, he just didn't want to be in love with him. He wiped his eyes and cleaned up his face, he decided that he probably should go out and apologize to Kris's family and take them to see how he was doing, then maybe go in search of some food, he was pretty hungry. It would at least give him something else to do, besides letting his mind wonder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long I couldn't come up with anything I'm thinking of making these updates longer from now on, anyway thanks for reading and I'm sorry about all the errors because I'm pretty sure there are some, lost my editor.  
> Oh and I started a new story but it's on wattpad, when I get a little farther in on it I will post it here, but it would mean a lot if you would check it out early! Thanks! I'll try to update soon but I can't make any promises, December is a busy month for me, thanks!
> 
> http://www.wattpad.com/story/3131931-liar


	8. Just A Little Bit Longer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kris wakes up...
> 
> This is really just a filler, I haven't updated in so long, things have been busy for me. I really don't know when I'll be able to update again, but thanks for reading!

 Kris woke up with a start, his breathing was heavy, and his head was throbbing. Where was he?  He tried to sit up but he realized that his wrists were restrained. That's when panic set in, thankfully it was then that a doctor walked in the door. 

"Oh Mr. Allen good to see you awake."

"What happened? Where am I? Why am I tied down?" He asked in a groggy, yet panicked voice.

"Calm down, you're in the hospital, your friend Adam brought you here, he said that you overdosed on heroin, when you got here you had a seizure, so we had to tie you down, I can let you go as long as you don't try to get up okay? You're family is here and I'll let them in in a moment. First I need you to relax, you're blood pressure is still low, and you're very weak."

 Kris nodded and flopped back down to the bed, the doctor took off his restraints and checked a few other things, before he left dimming the lights before he closed the door. Kris was left alone once again. The room was quiet and dim, but he didn't notice. His mind was racing, the voices in his head were too loud, his thoughts were spinning, he didn't know what he was going to do when his family came in. What was he supposed to tell them? What about Adam, God  Adam, he wasn't even going to be able to look at him! Kris groaned and closed his eyes, he'd just begun to nod off when he heard voices approaching his door. As it opened the voices stopped, he squinted against the light that had been flicked on from it's dim setting. His mom was the first person he made out, then his Dad, Cale, Charles, and…wait where was Adam? What was he thinking of course Adam wasn't there he'd lied to him, he'd be lucky if Adam ever talked to him again. He turned his attention back to the current visitors, he realized he hadn't said anything yet.

"Hi." He said quietly surprised at how scratchy his voice was.

"Oh Kris, I can't believe it. You told us you stopped."

"I'm sorry mama, I did… for a while…I didn't mean to go back to it."

"Why didn't you tell us you were struggling?"

"I don't know...it was sudden, I mean I met my old dealer, and things just escalated I didn't mean to fall back."

"Of course you didn't but you did..."

"W-Where's Adam? Is he here? They said he found me."

"He is honey, everyone's here. They're all in the lobby he didn't want to come in though."

"Oh okay."

"Are you tired?" He nodded, he felt so ashamed right now, he hadn't even looked at his father, but he felt the way he was looking at him with a hard gaze.

"Do you want to see the others now or do you want to rest first, they want to keep you here for now."

"But what about the tour?"

"They canceled the next 5 dates, and no they didn't release anything to the press about you yet, they just said that one of the idols had fallen extremely sick and that it would resume soon, but back to my original question do you want to talk to them now or later?"

"Later..." He felt like a wuss for saying that but he was just too tired at the moment.

"Alright, get some rest," Kim kissed her son on the forehead and walked out turning out the lights as she went.

Adam was the first to stand up when they came out.

"So?"

"He wants to sleep right now."

"Okay." Adam said sitting back down he tried to keep the sadness out of his voice. He really wanted to talk to Kris, he wanted to apologize to him about who he had treated him before hand, even though he had been angry it was no excuse for what he had done. However it looked like he'd just have to wait a little longer


	9. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look at that two in one day, not gonna happen again most likely. This will probably be the regular length of the chapters from now on. I'm trying to make them longer, but who knows, I always like to try and leave you guys hanging. XP Thanks for reading!

Kris tried to sleep after his parents left, it was just too hard. He was worried about what was going to happen next now that people knew what had happened to him, Would they try to send him to rehab? That was one place he refused to go, they already had tied him down to the bed as if he was in a psychotic ward. It was just a drug addiction. He could get clean if he wanted too. The problem was he didn't know if he wanted too. He already knew he'd disappointed Adam to the point where their friendship was probably ruined forever. So what was the point? Allison, well she was probably worried sick, and angry. Not to mention that her parents wouldn't want her hanging around with a junkie, much less why would she want too anyway? In fact why would any of his friends or family want to be around him after this? He felt hopeless. After trying to get comfortable again and failing he gave up on sleep and let his mind wander again. Why did he do it? Why didn't he just ask for help? He could have trusted Adam with anything and he knew that, he was too ashamed and prideful that's why he didn't, and now look where he was. 

\----

Adam sat in the corner of the lobby the rest of the idols along with the Allen's had gone down stairs to try and get a bite to eat. Unfortunately at this moment Adam couldn't even stomach the idea of food so he stayed behind. A doctor was currently talking to the tour manager. They were most likely quitting the tour all together. Kris had to get clean from the addiction, and Adam wanted to be there for him through it, not half way across the country if he needed him. He really wanted to talk to Kris but he wanted to give him an opportunity to rest as well. He was sick with worry but at the same time he was angry at Kris for all he'd done to himself, and for all he'd done to him now as well. He had lied to him, big time. How was he ever supposed to trust him again? Adam felt like it was partially his fault as well. He was his best friend and he should have noticed these things, but he didn't. It wasn't even until he felt a hand on his shoulder that he realized he'd been crying. He cursed wiping the tears away quickly before looking up at the person who had pulled him out of his thoughts, it was Danny, he had a worried expression on his face. Adam threw him a small half smile as if to say 'I'll be okay' when the truth was he didn't know if he ever would be again.

\----

Kris's head popped up when he heard the door begin opened, he hoped it was Adam, but it wasn't, it was just a nurse. 

"Hi, I'm just here to get a few blood samples, I think the doctor talked to you about these earlier." Kris nodded without saying a word and held out his arm. He felt so numb right now that he didn't even flinch when the needle pricked his skin. He looked away at the far wall with an unreadable expression on his face. "Alright I'm done, we'll send these in for testing, the doctor should be back in soon, along with your family they wanted to talk to you about recovery options." Once again Kris just nodded no expression on his face. He hadn't really been listening. He was a bit surprised when the door opened to reveal his mom, dad and a doctor. 

"Okay Kris you're a lucky guy, nothing seems to be seriously wrong with you even with your long term heroin usage, however we still need to talk to you about rehabilitation options, this is one of our therapists in our facility, I'm going to leave you four to talk and I'll be in soon to see how you're doing the faster we can let you out the faster you can start recovery."

Kris nodded. The doctor exited and the therapist took a seat.

"I'm Dr. Collins, I work with the addicts that come here, I want you to know that I will try my hardest to find something that works for you and is comfortable, recovery is important. It's not going to be an easy road for you but you've gotta stick it through, first I want to ask you some questions about your usage."

"How long have you been using?"

"About a 10 months now."

"Would you say that you use often? If so how many times a day, and in a week?"

"It depends. Sometimes once, sometimes twice, or even three times." The questions went on and on, it seemed like it had been forever. 

His parents stayed silent the whole time but the disappointment in their faces was relevant and Kris felt like he was getting smaller and smaller as time want on.

\----

It had been almost a week since the overdose and Kris was still begin held in the hospital. They wanted to keep him until they got all the test results back. The other idols had gone back to their homes. They were all still worried about Kris, but figured it was best if he wasn't being smothered by too many people. Kris was becoming more adamant to rehab as he heard all the restrictions that would be put on him. It was going to be hell for the time being, he didn't' want to go, but his parents were insisting. He couldn't say no to them after becoming such a disappointment, besides he figured if they didn't force him Adam would. He still had yet to talk to Adam, but he figured that he would have time for that later. Right now he was getting poked and prodded once again for possible conditions that he might have contracted. The whole atmosphere was really brining him down, his parents hadn't left his side the whole time, though they didn't say much, most of the time they were just there. Kris didn't mind though, it was comforting, he knew he had fucked up pretty badly and having his parents there made him feel better. However he found his mind constantly wondering to Adam. He still had yet to talk to him, but his parents had said he was still hanging around every day. It made Kris wonder why he hadn't come in to visit him yet, did he think he didn't' want to see him? Or maybe he didn't want to see Kris? No that wouldn't make since if he didn't want anything to do with Kris he would have left a long time ago. Still Kris wanted to see him and as odd as it was a moment later as if the universe was reading his mind someone cleared their throat. Looking up, Kris saw him standing in the door frame. Adam.


End file.
